Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night. -- Woody Allen

Now, before you all start thinking that I am switching teams here, I'm not. I just loved the wit and the reasoning in that line! The other night, I was upset, ate ice cream, went running in the rain, drank beer, and wrote. I rant, I vent, I swear off men...you know, the typical chick suffering from romantic angst sort of thing. I just have a bad habit of developing unrequited crushes. Over and over and over again. Usually, I'm the runner up while they're pining for someone else, the one they spend time with while they wait for their "ideal" woman to be theirs. This time, it's someone who is not looking for a girlfriend, just someone to have on speed dial in case they need a date for something (why do I get the feeling that there is also some kind of "ideal" that I'm not living up to here as well?). Well, I spent yesterday proverbially licking my wounds by commiserating with my friends (who have suggested I try meeting someone online, speed dating, and moving somewhere else as there has to be something in the water around here because all the people who are single these days have a REASON for being single...except for ME...there's nothing wrong with ME...it's the rest of the world that is crazy...yeah, sure, right! At least I embrace my flakiness and don't live in denial of my issues! I'm loud, opinionated, emotional, and given to vice. I'm also extremely annoying sometimes, have a tendency to repeat myself and could stand to lose a few pounds. Other than that, I'm PERFECT!!!). As I have never been one to let dust settle under my feet, I have proceeded to do more research on things for you all to do for the next week or so while I am out on the high seas--scribbling in my notebook, drinking vodka, doing a lot of self-analysis as to why I am relationship impaired, and looking for Moby Dick. So, ahoy there mateys, Miss Chris is back with a vengeance!

Friends of Miss Chris
Now, I know I had said that I would not be posting cover bands in my blog, but His Boy Elroy is pretty darn good, they're playing locally tonite, and I'm friends with the drummer. If you are looking for a band that plays all the songs you know from the radio...things you can sing along to, and get out on the dance floor and shake your groove thang...then get your groove thang down to the Handlebar in Port Jeff. The Handlebar, as some of you may know, was featured on the TV show "Kitchen Nightmares" with Chef Ramsay and renovated. No cover.

For those of you in Patchogue last night for Alive After 5, you are probably aware that it was a night of drama and wonderment. The torrential downpours and thunderstorms threatened to wash away the equipment, and the headliner at the Theatre stage cut his hand and had to be rushed to the hospital to get eight stitches. Suddenly, the clouds parted and not just one, but two rainbows appeared in the sky. The show went on, the crowds came back, and Jay Scott reappeared with his bandaged hand to play a set with his band. Speaking of Jay Scott, he's playing tonite, 7 pm at the Patchogue Bandshell, no cover. Come on down and spend a beautiful night by the Great South Bay.

Support Long Island's original music scene! The Long Island Original Music Festival will be held at the Vail Leavitt Music Hall in Riverhead on Friday, August 15 to commemorate the 39th anniversary of Woodstock (random fact: I was born three days before the original Woodstock Festival). See the aforementioned Jay Scott, Jessie Haynes, The Corduroy Sky, Chris Van Cott, Chris P. Cauley, John Brzoza, Rorie Kelly, Jordan Hope and Lisa Rose. Tickets are $15 each and are available at the door or through the East End Arts Council.

And a little more night music...
I get a lot of emails asking when the LI Philharmonic will be doing some free shows. This would be the week! Friday night, 8PM at Eisenhower Park in East Meadow; Saturday night, 8PM at Heckscher Park, Huntington. (Hey, galpals, we going?)

The Stony Brook Village Green will be hosting Sound Symphony Goes Out West on August 10th 6PM, FREE. I haven't seen them myself, but have heard that they are very good. Plus, you will be in a beautiful area with the harbor on one side and the Stony Brook shops on the other. Get there early and get on over to Godiva for a little chocolate covered strawberry action, or visit the Grist Mill to get your history on.

August 16 brings us to the LI Bluegrass Festival. You KNOW I'll be there!

And while enjoying some music underneath the night skies, don't forget to look up. The Perseid Meteor showers are this week (pretty easy for me to remember as it's always on my birthday!).

Art Farts and Culture Vultures
The Huntington Arts Council is hosting part 2 of its Members Show starting on August 14.

Ending this week...the Pollock Krasner exhibit at Gallery North. Don't miss this one!

Goat Alley Gallery has some great things going on this week. Just check out the website...too much to list!

Catch up on some classic cinema! The Cinema Arts Centre is showing The Human Condition this week.

I'm scared...hold me!
Summer Camp Cinema...you know I can't go a week without posting something about it. August 16th brings you Diary of the Dead and Fido. Please, just go to the link, click on the skull next to the movie listing and watch the trailer for Fido! I have to go see this! It looks HILARIOUS!

I want some kielbasa!
Ok, I know some of you had your mind go right into the gutter with that (Sean, Steve, Erin, Eric, and the rest of my perv friends...you know who you are, and you know I love you for it!), but coming up is the Riverhead Polish Festival. Buy a mug, grab a Polish beer, walk around, do a polka, and grab a pierogi and sauerkraut, kielbasa and horseradish. Most of you know that Miss Chris can get pretty ethnic when it comes to the whole Polish thing. Weight Watchers be damned when I'm there!

Talking about Polish food, get on over to Taste of Poland deli in N. Patchogue. The double smoked kielbasa is AWESOME!!!!!

Gotta run! Have a great week! Email me with any events you might have coming up at cheap.date.long.island@gmail.com!